Thursday, June 6, 2013

Chapter 2 on Super U-Tube, and Expressions of Rage

So, before I begin, let me try to post some movies.  They tend to look like shit on Blogger, but I'll do it anyway.

So, now I'm going to tell you about the nightmare I've endured for the last couple hours.  I'm going to be offensive, and I'm going to say "fuck" a lot, so if you're easily-offended, I think it would be best if you just didn't read anything beyond this point.

I'll start off by saying fuck you, Google, you evil fucking monstrous fucktards.  This whole "one Google / one password" thing is terrible on so many levels.  But let's leave out the obvious implications for internet security for the moment (though let me just tell you how absolutely thrilled I am that if someone hacks my Blogger site, they have access to my YouTube and gmail accounts as well, so thanks for that), and let's focus on how fucking complicated you've made it.
I have a Google+ profile under my name, attached to a particular gmail account.  You've connected that, somehow, to my wife's YouTube account, which has three videos of my daughter and / or cat, but you tell me they are, in fact, my videos, not my wife's, and if I want to post any of my Super U. movies to my Google+ page, I cannot, because those aren't my videos; the kid and cat ones are.
I have had a separate gmail just for the purpose of Super U. and the posting of videos to the Super U-Tube page.  You've connected that to everything else, and in an attempt to access it you made me connect it to a Google+ profile.  A new one.
So, now when I go to the Super U-Tube page, it asks me, "Do I want to be Super U Webcomic, or do I want to be  This isn't a one-or-the-other thing.  They both exist.  So I pick one, and upload a video.  It's not on my page with all my other videos.  Where is it?  Oh, it's on a brand new page.  So I try to upload the movie to the other one, but oops!  I can't  do that! I've already uploaded that movie!
Long story short, I think I now have 3 Google+ profiles, two of which I don't want or use.  I have 3 YouTube channels, again, two of which I don't want or use.  But I can't delete any of them, oh no! Because that deletes everything associated with them!  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.
What's more, you've attatched all my new stuff that I didn't want to this this blog.  Yay!  
I still don't even know how to access my new videos.  I'd go check now, but that would sign me out of Blogger!  FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Oh, but wait, there's more.

Let's talk about copyrights, shall we?
I wanted to make my own music for the movies, so I could monetize them.  But, as of now, I still don't have a decent means to do that.  I don't have the money to buy a program, and any free one worth its salt generally comes attatched with a licensing issue.  I mean, I could just pirate Fruity Loops, but I'm trying to do this the correct way; because pirates are bad and evil people, right?.  I'm trying to follow the fucking rules.  I mean, I'd buy one, but I don't have any fucking money.  But that's beside the point.

So.  I elected to use existing music, and not try and make money on my movies.  Free advertising, I suppose, just like the last Chapter.  
The Windows movie-making program I use has a simple tool to add music to your movie.  When your movie is done, there are giant buttons right fucking there to post stuff to YouTube, Facebook, etc...  Okay.  So, when you do this, you are often prompted that you are using copyrighted material.
First off, okay.  Well, I'm not trying to profit off of this material, so why do you care?  Free advertising for you!  I even list the name and artist in the credits!
Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK? There's a fucking add-music button, there are giant add-to-internets buttons!  What, do you expect everyone who adds a movie with a song to the internet to be a fucking composer?
You know, I saw a video once that went viral, and there was this cat and there was this song that was playing, and the thing is, this cat wasn't the cat who made that fucking song.  Sound familiar?  Yeah, because it is all YouTube videos.  Who the fuck cares if I didn't make the music?  It is not hurting anyone.

So, in the end, I'm not sure what I can do.  I might have to scrap posting movies entirely, because I no longer know where I'm posting them, who I am that is doing the posting, nor am I 100% responsible for the non-profit-making 45-second movies that nobody watches.

In closing, I'd just like to say fuck Google, fuck Microsoft, fuck Facebook, fuck the internet, fuck computers, fuck digital art, fuck smartphones and fuck society in general.  The quality of the human race is in rapid decline, and the temptation is rising to watch with my spear in hand and deerskin loincloth over my unmentionables while the rest of the world texts and codes and surfs and blogs itself into oblivion.